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This article will help you find ways to support someone who is grieving the loss of a family member or friend. The older I get the more I am confronted with loss of family and friends. I love this quote by Rob Liano, “The sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one, is the price we pay to have had them in our lives.”
Life is never the same after we lose someone close to us. Death is such an emotional and trying time and something that we must learn to deal with for the rest of our lives. This articles focuses on the many acts of service I have seen others do as they help friends and family cope with the death of a loved one.
This is a post all about ways to support someone who is grieving.
1. Go—Just Drop Everything and Go to Them
You don’t need to bring treats or flowers (while those are both nice), but just bring a hug and a listening ear. Death is always hard, but it can be especially difficult if navigating it by yourself.
Let the person talk, hug, cry or whatever they need, to get their feelings out. They most likely need a good friend who is willing to listen, because most of the time they need to talk about the person they just lost. It is acceptable to sit in silence.
One experience I will never forget was when a good friend of mine invited me to go visit an acquaintance of ours, the day she had lost her husband. Of course, I said I would go, but I was so nervous and kept wondering if we should really go. I kept wondering what we would say or if we should bring some food.
I felt I had no good words for this friend, I didn’t know what to do. As we walked in the house, this friend walked over to us and just hugged us. She didn’t need us to say anything, she was so grateful we were there. We let her talk and cry.
This was a special time where she could talk about the day, her husband, her fears, and her children. I don’t think I said much that visit, but I know she felt our support and love and that is what she needed.
2. Stay in touch
Stay in touch with those who are grieving, even if it is a phone call or text. This will help them know you are concerned and willing to help them. They are going to need friends as the weeks and months go on.
There will be many opportunities to serve, you will find many of them as you stay in touch. Usually, they have plenty of support the first couple of weeks, but people start getting back to their own lives and forget how much the survivor is suffering. The hardest times will be holidays, birthdays, and the anniversary of the date the person died.
3. Food
When my grandpa passed away, I remember my grandmother telling me that a dear friend brought her over a meat, cheese and veggie tray, rolls, and a huge plate of cookies. It really touched my grandmother even though she didn’t know how she was going to use it all Then all her children ended up spending many hours over at her house. My grandma, who is the most charitable person I know, was extremely grateful to have food to be able to feed them.
I also heard of another lady who came home after a long day at the funeral parlor to a pot of soup and a loaf of bread. She was grateful to be able to feed those who were at her house, helping her. Food is always good for the soul.
4. Flower/Plant or Gift
When my father-in-law passed away, my husband’s company sent him a plant. It was such a nice gesture from the people he worked with, and we still have that plant today. This plant still reminds us of my father-in-law, but also the amazing people who worked with my husband.
This bracelet would also be a beautiful gift to give to someone who is grieving. The quote on the inside of the bracelet says, “Those we love don’t go away they walk beside us everyday.”
5. A Card
When my husband’s father passed away, I had several friends send me a card. I was truly touched that these friends would spend the time to write something nice to us and go through the efforts to mail us the card.
It sometimes seems overwhelming to take the time to address and mail out a card, so this really showed me how much they cared. People don’t send as many letters these days, but it is a real personal way to show your love and kindness. It is one of the simplest ways to support someone who is grieving, especially if you don’t live near that person.
6. An Invitation
Invite the person to do something. This will give them opportunities to talk to someone and possibly share things that they need help with. Maybe they would like to go to dinner, a play, or just go on a walk.
I had a dear friend, who, when she lost her mother, felt helpless. She had put in so many hours serving and helping her mother and now had a lot more time to herself. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with this time.
In these situations, you could invite someone who is grieving to take a cooking class, quilting class, or some other learning activity with you. This may be the opportunity you both need to learn a new skill or hobby that can bless other’s lives.
7. Share a Memory
Whether through a text, on paper, or in person, share a memory of the person who has passed away. For someone who is grieving, hearing how the person they just lost has touched another can bring joy, peace, and healing.
A teacher passed away, who had blessed my life. I wrote his dear wife a letter reflecting on how his teachings had affected my life. I don’t know how she felt about the gesture, but for me it was healing, and I enjoyed the time I took to contemplate on this great man’s life. Through this experience, I discovered that he influenced me more than I even realized.
We never know how much we can touch someone else’s life. Wouldn’t it be a great opportunity to let their family know how much they meant to you. Share your story, share your experiences, and share your love of this person. It will mean the world to the family who just lost their loved one.
Here is a neat little journal with prompts that may be useful to write down feelings and memories of the person who isn’t with us anymore.
8. Be Creative
We all have talents that can be used as ways to support someone who is grieving. Don’t be afraid to share your talents during this grieving process. My musical neighbors have been known to go play their musical instruments for a family who has lost someone. If you are a great cook, prepare the family a meal. If you are a great shopper, then don’t be afraid to buy this family a good meal.
There are many amazing talents that can be used to help some who is grieving over the loss of a loved one. Here are a few talents that would be extremely helpful: cleaning, watching their children, running to the store, listening, crafting a card or scrapbook page, writing a story, painting a picture, etc. Be creative and do something YOU LOVE TO DO to bless someone else’s life.
When I was about 10 years old my family lost our infant brother. We had many acts of service done for us during this time. I am sure each of the above ideas were shown to my family. The one that touched my heart was the artist who painted a happy winter scene on our window. Every time we walked into the house that painting gave us hope that things would get better.
It also proved to us that others loved us, and that God was still aware of our needs. We kept that painting up long into the summer because it brought us joy in a time of sadness. Use your talents to bless someone during their time of heartache.
9. Last of All- Love
There are so many ways to support someone who is grieving, but if we truly share our LOVE, others will see our sincerity. As they go through hard times, we can give them hope and light.
Another lady wrote our family a special poem about our little brother, right after he passed away. This poem is a family treasure that brings peace, love, and joy into our lives, even 30 years later as we re-read that poem.
A man, whom I looked up to, came over and sat with our family during this difficult time. He helped us see light in a dark moment. He spoke simple, yet profound words, that are still a strength in my life today.
Here is one last gift that can show your love and thoughtfulness for someone else in a difficult moment.
I hope this article will help as you navigate these difficult times and discover ways to support someone who is grieving the loss of an important person in their life. Death is such a difficult time, where we must learn to live and adjust our lives without that person. Everyone is different in how they respond to death and being there for them will help them in their healing process. Recognize how hard it is for them and give them time to heal.
You have the ability to touch the life of someone who is grieving, so don’t let fear hold you back. Use your talents, be creative, invite, share, listen, show up for them, and most of all, love those who are weeping for their lost ones. Help them to see as this quote says, “When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.”—Unknown. Help them see the good that has been left behind, and to find love and joy again. It may take time, but it will be rewarding and your friendship will be forever cherished. Let’s serve.
This post was all about ways to support someone who is grieving.