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Are you struggling with how to strengthen the relationship with adult children in your life? Do you feel like you aren’t needed any more? These are tips to help you know the best ways to support your adult children, and show you that you aren’t alone in your thoughts and worries.
Have you ever had one of those days when all the hard days of motherhood melt into one magical moment? A moment that seems to wipe away all the difficult challenges we face raising kids, and somehow makes everything worth it.
Serving Your Adult Children
Today was a day like that for me. My daughter had ordered several packages from Amazon for Christmas for her roommates, and she had them delivered to our home, which is about 40 minutes from where she goes to college. The packages were scheduled to arrive to our house on her last day of school for the semester. She kept praying they would come early, so that she’d be able to get them to her roommates before they left.
Her prayers were answered, and they were delivered early, but right in the middle of a snowstorm. She wanted to come get them, but I decided it would be best if I changed my plans, so that I could bring the packages to her. When I arrived at her apartment, I found her in tears. She had been crying all morning. Her apartment needed to be cleaned and ready for inspection in 2 ½ hours, and she was overwhelmed with the instructions the apartment owners had given her.
I jumped in and we figured out how to tackle the problem areas. Most of the important things had already been done, but she couldn’t see it. With my help, we had everything done in only an hour. Within that hour she had a smile on her face, and we headed to a much-needed mother and daughter luncheon. We laughed, ate great food, relaxed, and talked.
All the way home, I thanked God for inspiring me to clear my day and make time for her. It wasn’t that big of a deal for me, but for her, it was huge.
This post is on ways to strengthen your relationship with adult children.
Here are a few things I have learned about serving adult children:
1. Love Them No Matter What
Love your adult child, no matter what decisions they make in their lives. Create an atmosphere where your children know they can talk to you. Treat them with love and respect. If they know you love them, then when they really need something, they will come to you.
2. Find Ways to be in Their Lives
Visit your adult child. Take them to lunch, get to know their friends, or take them shopping. They don’t always want to make time for you, but if you are creative enough, they will allow you to come, especially if it includes food and they don’t have to pay. 🙂 Do things you love together.
3. Encourage Phone Calls
Let your adult child know you are interested in what is happening to them, by encouraging phone calls with them. They don’t have to be lengthy, just pick up the phone and call.
4. Play Games with Them
Making a fun environment can often help your adult child to relax, open up, and talk about things.
5. Ask Them for Advice to Strengthen the Relationship with Adult Children
Asking someone for advice makes them feel important, and needed. If you choose to take their advice thank them and keep them informed of what is happening. This will foster communication in your relationship. If you don’t take the advice, be open and honest. This will teach them how to be open and honest with you and other adults.
6. Plan Outings to Spend Time Together
Spend time with your adult children. Go to a national park, college sporting events, museums, amusement parks, or even an apple orchard. Anything that will help you make great memories.
7. Learn New Skills
One of my sons is dating a girl who has celiac disease, where she is unable to consume gluten. I have taken the time to learn how to cook without gluten so they will spend more time with us. I have also had to download the Pokémon Go app on my phone, so I could learn to speak my other son’s language.
8. Take Time to Listen to Them and Acknowledge Their Challenges
As their parent, you may not always agree with their decisions. It is important, though, that you listen. You can give advice, but as parents be careful not to criticize. They will shut down, turn away and may struggle discussing further issues with you. Listening, acknowledging their feelings, and showing love are the best ways to connect with your child.
9. Recognize Your Differences
Recognize that you are your child are different people, with different thoughts and opinions. Show them respect, especially for those qualities that you love about them. Foster those qualities and learn to admire those qualities you don’t love.
10. Understand that Your Children May Turn to Others for Advice
Your adult children may turn to others for advice, and that is good, and should be encouraged. There are many good people they can turn to for good advice. The obstacle is finding these good people. Help them throughout their lives to find good people for their situations.
11. Help, Without Giving Handouts to Strengthen Relationship with Adult Children
Children need to figure things out financially and sometimes they need to do it the hard way. Don’t allow your children to become dependent on your finances. You can show support in other ways, but they need to know what you expect of them. Slowly transition things such as phone plans, health and car insurance. As they get their first jobs, they will learn quickly how expense life can be. Let them experiment with money and budgeting, so they can figure out what is best for them. They need to learn self-reliance on their own.
12. Set Boundaries with Your Children to Strengthen Relationship with Adult Children
Your children are aware that you use to you pay for vacations, restaurants and clothes. Don’t let them take advantage of your generosity. They will be happy to take the free stuff, without the free advice. This is enabling them with a lot of frustration. If they need a place to stay to save money on rent, make rules. Give them responsibilities. It isn’t easy navigating new experiences that are similar to childhood experiences. They aren’t children anymore and want to be treated like adults. Yet, sometimes they still act like the child you remember.
13. Give Your Children Space to Strengthen Relationship with Adult Children
Sometimes the best thing you can do for a child is to give them space, especially if they are mad at you or think they deserve more from you. Let your child grow up and figure things out on their own. They will make mistakes, but they will learn. Be there for them when they are ready to talk to you. Show them love in small and creative ways—a card, a text, a gift card, whatever ways you can think of. Let them know you are there, if they ever need support.
We love our adult children and are learning how to communicate and serve them. Each one is different and needs special guidance and love. The best thing I have learned about serving my adult children is that what they really want is our TIME.
When they needed time as a kid, you could spend 15 minutes and read them a book or play a game. Now that time is usually a day or a weekend, because of travel or their requests. Cherish the time spent with them and finding ways to make them happy. Help them move or clean an apartment. Take the to lunch or play a game with them. Just be with them and create an atmosphere where they enjoy being in your home.
No one is perfect, and you still might make mistakes, but allow them to see your love for them. Serving your family is worth every moment. Let’s Serve.
This post was on ways to strengthen your relationship with adult children.