Parent-Coach Relationship: 5 Ways to Help Support Your Child’s Coach

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This article focuses on ways that you, as the parent, can help support your child’s coach, to encourage a positive parent-coach relationship.   I have been both a coach and a parent for over 25 years.  It’s been a such a rewarding experience helping athletes become the best they can be.  I have met amazing students, athletes, coaches, administrators, officials, and parents who have changed my life. 

The opposite side of the coin is that coaching is time consuming, thankless, exhausting, and frustrating.  The most difficult part for me was how much I grew to love and respect the athletes that I was working with and then, because I didn’t play their child enough, I became the hated coach in the eyes of the parents. 

Usually the kids who struggled, were the ones I put the most energy into.  In the end, these were the kids I developed a stronger relationship with.  They became some of my favorite players on the team.  As I began developing a good relationship with these players, I started getting looks from the parents or even an email chewing me out for not playing their kid as much as the parent wanted them to play.  The sad thing to me, was that the athlete usually knew where they stood and was fine with their playing time, until their parents started to get involved.

This article will focus on specific ways you can support your child’s coach as well as your child.  Supporting coaches and encouraging your child will teach so many life lessons.  Supporting a coach’s decisions can happen in so many ways.  How you act at the games and in front of your child can make a huge impact on the whole team.  Have you ever thought that your actions and words about a coach could be considered an act of service?

This is a post about strengthening the parent-coach relationship, and supporting your child’s coach. 

1. Positive Talk in Front of Child

The first way to strengthen the parent-coach relationship is to engage in positive talk in front of your child.  A child will mirror the behavior they see from their parents.  Negativity will trickle into the athlete’s relationship with their coach, teammates and even how they play.  It can even affect the whole team. 

One of the best examples I witnessed was a girl who had played a lot in her younger years.  When she reached her senior year, she had just come off an injury and had a new coach.  It became clear early in the season that she wasn’t going to play, so she took her role and ran with it.  The bench was the most amazing bench I had ever seen.  This girl got them cheering and was truly excited for her teammates.  I knew her parents well and they weren’t happy with the situation, but they helped her keep a positive attitude.  It helped the whole team to have this senior leading the way with a positive attitude.  

 

2. Encourage Your Child to do Their Best

The second way to strengthen the parent-coach relationship is to encourage your child to do their best.  If they are unsure of the situation, have them meet with the coach.  When meeting with the coach don’t make it about playing time, ask them to clarify questions you have.  Ask the coach what you could work on to be better, where you fit in on the team, and what is your role for this team. 

It takes a whole team to play a game, and each person on the team is needed and has a role.  If your child isn’t sure of their role, that is a good question to ask.  That knowledge is sometimes hard for the player, and they may need help fulfilling that role.  The hardest job as a parent is helping our kids through tough experience but if they can handle tough situations at a young age, it will help them in the future. 

My youngest child wasn’t always the best player on her team, but she had been around the sport for years and knew the skills.  She was always the first person in but never found herself on the starting team.  It was her skills and her desires that kept her in the sport.  By the time she was a senior, she was one of two girls left in her class.  But again, there were kids better than her and she spent a lot of time on the bench.  She was thrilled to be on the team, she had worked hard to get to where she was at. 

I would say it was our encouragement that kept her involved.  She always played her role and got better.  I truly expected her to quit several years earlier, but her goal was to make varsity and she did it.  She learned so much and had some great experiences that she wouldn’t have had if she had given up when a coach told her she wasn’t good enough.  We didn’t let the negativity affect our family.  She set goals and went after them! Even if she wouldn’t have continued with the sport, our daughter learned things along the way that are helping her with difficulties in her life today.

 

3.  Volunteer to Help the Coach

The third way to strengthen the parent-coach relationship is to volunteer to help the coach.  There are so many things that need to be done, so maybe you can find a way to help them. 

One of my good friends, who coached several of my kids, loved the coaching and training part of the game.  When we asked him to coach, he always agreed to do it, if the parents agreed to handle the rest of the issues it took to run the team.  He asked parents to take care of communication, getting gyms for practice, buying uniforms and whatever else he needed, so that he could enjoy the coaching part.

 

All those things may not be what your coach needs, but don’t be afraid to ask the coach what help they need.  Have the coach make a list, big and small.  If you can’t do everything, you can invite other parents to help check off the coaches list. 

 

4.  Positivity Around Other Parents

Even though my fourth item is again positivity, this time it has to do with how you speak to other parents.  Parents often “seem” to know what is best, even though they aren’t at every practice and don’t see the effort that is put in there.  Coaches are trying their best to put the right people on the court, or field, at the appropriate times.  As parents we need to give the coach some slack, as they are experimenting and testing the athletes. 

One such occasion, it was early in the season, and we wanted to try some things out, so we put a girl in a different spot than her normal position.  Because of this, some other girls were in different spots, or didn’t get to play as much as normal.  It didn’t work very well so we had already decided not to go that route, but one of the parents was so upset and called a meeting with the coaches.  It was a meeting that didn’t need to happen, because the next game we were going back to the previous line-up. 

Be patient with your coach especially early in the season.  Do NOT get involved with other parents who want to talk bad about the coach.  It isn’t productive for anyone involved.  Coaches will appreciate your refusal to be a part of those group.  They know what is going on even if they don’t acknowledge the group.  Positivity will bring about good things.

 

5. Trust the Process

My favorite story was about this girl, who didn’t have as much experience as all the other girls, but she was very athletic, and we took her on as a project.  She was behind the other girls, but I kept working with her. She would ask me every week, what she needed to work on.  We talked a lot and she had such a positive attitude, and so did her mom. 

One day, after a difficult practice for her, she came to me in tears.  I basically told her that she had improved so much, and she was so close to getting more playing time.  I told her to trust the process, and by the end of the season, if she kept up her hard work, she would most likely be a starter.  After constant reminders, she began to trust the process.  Her mother thanked me every chance she got, and I saw this girl take leaps and bounds in her sport.  It was amazing to watch.  At our season end tournament, she was a starter and helped our team take the championship.  

It is hard to watch your child struggle with a coach but believe it or not most coaches care about your child.  Some of my favorite players, still to this day, were the ones who worked hard for me and improved, despite the fact they didn’t get to play as much as I would have liked them to play.  In fact, my top three favorite players where those kids who didn’t play very much and all three of their parents didn’t like me by the end.  

This article focused on the best way to help support your child’s coach, by strengthening the parent-coach relationship.  The 5 characteristics of positivity, encouragement, serving, patience, and trust will help your child, their team, and the coach.  It also helps you as a parent to enjoy the game and the strides your child is taking in their sport.  Sports aren’t everything, and we must teach our children that there is life beyond the game.  Sitting on a bench or being the star of the team are both experiences that will help them grow and learn.  The best way to serve your coach is to support them in positive and productive ways.  Let’s Serve!

This post was all about strengthening the parent-coach relationship, by supporting your child’s coach.